Carnival

Mic check mic check:

* Humans are the only species on earth that have face-to-face sex.

Comment: that should be that can because not all humans do.


* The Bible, the world's best-selling book, is also the world's most shoplifted book.

Comment: hehe thats just funny.


* Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.

Comment: prudes!


* In all Mickey Mouse cartoons, no matter which way Mickey is looking his ears are always facing forward. You never get an ear profile.

Comment: Cuz thats his bad side.

* The word "pornography" comes from the Greek meaning the "writings of prostitutes."

Comment: Too bad there's rarely ever any writing.

I'll be there in 4 days, 6aa6 6aa6!

*filoxenia

The Name Game

You are given a name.

You (and by that I mean I ) love your name.

Your answer to your name.

Your name might be after a great person (relative, boxer, etc.)

Your name is yours.

Ever notice how when you're having a deep conversation with anyone and your given name is added it changes the tone of the whole thing.

Shag7a will be our victim today

Shaheen: Shag7o laish chithy imsakba feeny.

Analysis: : Positive friendly energy from Shaheen, he's not really pissed because the 'o' was added.

Shaheen:Why are you doing this to me Shag7a?

Analysis: : howb howb il7abeeb za3lan uw shayil ib galba kalaam.

Shaheen: Okay I have to go, take care Shag7a.

Analysis: : Il7abeeb broo7 yinti7er min ilqahar.

Shaheen: Okay I have to go, take care.

Analysis: The guys really garra go.

Do you see it or is it just me?

*Scombroid!

'Quench' Me

Hunger strikes when I'm all alone

Hunger strikes when there's no meat, only bone

Hunger strikes when jan6a feels like watchin porn.

Thats a lie, but you wouldn't believe me even if I'd sworn.

Well looky looky I'm a poet and didn't know'it ..

*Su Doku!

How Low Can You Go?

Late night blues with nothin but a remote to entertain me.


* "I wana Nasty girl"- really?? Please explain to me how Notorious BIG is still producing songs? Didn't he die already? Or does his coffin come with a mini studio switch. Next thing you'll know instead of pimp my ride it'll be 'Pimp my Coffin'


* The Kuwaiti group Army of One are funny ass. Seriously A for effort boys. - But can we all say Nigga Wannabes??


* Yes I'm watchin Melody Hits and thats where this post is comin from.


* I know most Arab guys shave their under arms but i really can't imagine them doing so. I really wanna see how they do it, facial expressions and all.


*Lonely I'm so lonely. Mr. Lonely- I have nobody for my own. - Why is this pathetic excuse of a song still being played!


* I feel very patriotic when Nancy Ajram's "Ana Ma9ry" is on, although there is not even a tenth of me thats Egyptian. The lyrics go as following: Ana ma9ry wabooya ma9ry.


* My favorite line in an Arabic song: "A7sib ilnas mithly ib6eeby uw 3ala nafsy abadeehum a'aminhum uw hatha ohoo 3aiby oo malyon mara an9idim fehum. "


* Actually thats a lie my favorite line is: "Tara el shakwa li'3air allah mathallah"


* E! I think the only way to fully appreciate The E Entertainment Channel is to follow their instructions and be on e! When sober stay away from this channel for it'll only irritate you.


* Bin Laden's a dumbass. All he has to do is shave off his beard, SHOWER, go to Tony & Guy, wear an Armani suit and no one would recognize him- (he'd probably be a 'catch' as well)


* My new favorite song is : Good Bye My Lover by James Blunt.

*I'll be the father of your child!

The Classroom

I don't believe in home schooling not because of the education level but because once you familiarize yourself with the players you'll notice that they're everywhere-

Ex. AIRPLANES

The Principle:
You always here his voice loud and clear but rarely see him. He* tells his audience what is to be expected during the course. All major problems are dealt by him- (Flight Plan anyone?)
*I'm fully aware that there are female pilots so sharap.

The Cry Baby:
Basically the annoying kid who cries for no reason or for feeling neglected. Equally ignored and hated by everyone.
*The cry baby is always seated next to me. ALWAYS FRIGGIN ALWAYS! I think there should be planes that carry any kids under 6 or better yet a baby section with sound proof walls!

The Heckler:
Always with his nasty (sometimes witty) loud remakrs on just about everythin. This dude is going through an identity crisis and it just so happens that seeking attention and laughs is his number one priority for the day.
*Once a local celebrity (if that's what we call them) was sitting next to me and the heckler wouldn't let him be he kept screaming out "Haa khaaaly imsha'3il Bluetooth??!" "Haa yubaaay sayartik lilbai3?)

The Bully:
The ever so annoying piece of shit sitting behind you pulling on your hair or rocking your chair during take off and landing for additional turbulence effects in hope you'd think it was due to the air bumps or the principle's short comings.
*I love makin the bully cry!

The Compulsive Eater (aka the fat kid):
During lunch time he eats everythin on his lunch plate, asks the canteen lady (stewardess) for additional snacks and then stares at your food in hope you'd give him some of your bread.
* I love feeding this fella!

Teacher's Pet:
Always there to impress with her excessive 'please' & 'thank yous' and ridiculous questions that are asked just to show she's* paying attention. "If I'm not mistaken we'll be landing in 25 minutes?"
* She's usually a she!

Stinky:
Yeah I have nothin to say about stinky. I hate you. Jeeez just take a friggin shower before coming on board! Every time I encounter stinky I remember my postponed project of walking around with hygiene kits to pass out to the likes of him.

The Apathetic Goth:
He's the one always dressed/make-uped in dark colors and when seated nods his head to the deranged heavy metal music and when standing (waiting in line to make bola for example) is the one who wins the popularity contest for all the passengers are staring and trying to figure him out with their very audible whispers.
* This is especially evident on Kuwait Airways- the "7ash ashkhara". Blukh!

The Rebel:
Who is fully aware of the rules but insists on testing the smoke detectors the Pilot praises about. So in he goes in the toilet - gets his fix and goes back to his seat. Minutes later you hear the Pilot complaining and trying very hard to show how disappointed he is. When the rebel does it again the Pilot informs the class that the police will be awaiting at the doors during Home-Time- yeah suuuuuurrrrre buddy.

The Nerd:
Always there sitting all fidgety with the first button of his shirt closed making anyone lookin at him uncomfortable beyond belief. Not only that he always has the latest high tech gadgets on his tray table which he doesn't use by the way. He simply sits there breathes on a piece of cloth and wipes everything. If you show interest in any of his gadgets he'll instantly hide them in his squeky clean briefcase.
* I'm always jealous of his gadgets.

*Please place your seats in the up right position!

Isloob Shar6

'Its good to be back' was my initial thought upon entering my bachelorette pad. Funny I didn't feel this was when I was actually back home.


You know how every house/apartment has a distinct smell- yeah the first 2 meters from the door of my apartment smells like plastic! Why? Je ne sais pas uuuuhh but yeah- plastic!
*The living room smells like bukhoor a la may liga7 a la 7ab.


Moving on, - Arabic Grammar is something I think about every single friggin day, Why? Je ne sais pas uuuuhh but yeah- i3rab!

من يدرس ينجح

The sentence above is an example of Isloob Shar6.

Bs moo shar6 Gaaaaadamit!!

How so? - I'll tell you:

1) The poor kid taking the exam was in a life threatening car accident the day before leaving him traumatized but the fact that his mother is an ungrateful school obsessed kinda person who wants her son to get a bloody scholarship so she doesn't have to spend on him anymore forced him to take the bloody test.

2) The exam was written by an anal professor who thinks students who actually pass convey the fact that his questions are ridiculously simple thus making him stupid. So by failing every students he gets an instant ego boost.

3) The retard sitting next to our student was cheating off oh him and the first-time proctor sees this and tears up both students paper feeling great to have caught some action first time round.

So ya isloob shar6 my ass Abla Madee7a.

*Kenayaah uh

"You're only popular with anorexia"

Up till I was about 14 I always regarded "banak" as an illegal substance cuz thats how my parents reacted to its presence- drama queens I know.


Now everytime I stop at the round-about to get some I feel like I'm committing a bloody felony.

I am traumatized gadaamit!

Evertime I say "Gadaamit " I remember* this crappy forward joke about the Bedouin who went to apply for somethin and was annoying everyone so someone screamed GOD DAMN IT ! And he replied "Ee yuba qadamt"
* By remember I mean I know the punchline and nothin else


Moving on, I forgot how to 'blog'. flog. mlog. zlog. Yeah, don't ask.


I am a "hehe" addict. Does your laugh sound anythin like "heheheh" ?? If so- please change it. I rarely laugh at typed text be it SMS or MSN, but the stupid "hehe" is subconciously typed everytime my lips part in a half effort to create a dysfunctional smile. Is there such a thing as a dysfunctional smile? I think I just wanted to type 'dysfunctional'. Well looky looky I typed it 3 times!


I'm contemplating my word choice for describin the "hehe" shinanigin. I think I chose 'stupid' because I'm listenin to Toni Braxton- Stupid. You know when you pause for a second to think of a word, yeah the first word I heard was DIPUTS <- my attempt not to use the word again. Not workin, obviously.


C'est la vie. <-- why do people say that. Isn't it too much of a cliche? Stop it already.

*Black Magic!