Bonne Année :*

"May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the ass of the person who screws up your year and may his arms grow too short to scratch it!"

*Hmm!

The Golden Triangle

This made my day.

* Ayaa 3alaich!

Party Shuffle on iTunes

Paris!! London!! LA!! Chicago!! Tokyo!! Bagdad!! New York!!

I want to live like animals: careless and free
- So would like some Carefree?

Maybe I'm just like my father too bold

Maybe I'm just like my mother-she's never satisfied.

Latinatherny Bi3ain Latigoly inta fain- Bs goooly kilmitain!
- Bullah galah roo7 moot. Moo a7san low gayila uhwa wain?

When the the the the rhythm starts to play dance with me make me sweat
- Sweat! Really??

Amaa Ketha Wela Bifloos !

Time goes by so slowly. Time goes by so slowly. Time goes by so slowly.

Cuzz my baby's got oooooooooohhhhh Angel Eyes
- Not really he's got the eyes of the devil.

Thats me in the corner, thats me in the spotlight I'm losing my religion
- No thats me on the sofa!

Aahh lawik giltaha min ilbidaya fy sha'7s thany 3ashga uw matabeeny
- Winty ya 7athy ish7aga masi'alty min elbidaya?

Would you forgive me love if I danced in your shower?
- Ok dance but don't make bola.

Her name is Lola she was a showgirl.
- Her name is Jan6a she was a blogger

Ghetto Superstar that is what you are!
- Why thank you! *blush*

Inta bashar '3air 3ady feek aljamal al3ajeeb
- Enta shafar gear 3ady tamshy fy '7a6 alsaree3!

I run for hope I run to feel I run for the truth for all that is real I run for your mother your sister your wife I run for life
- Yeaaahhh NO!

Your candles burned out long before your legend never will
- hehe I know corny corny but I love EJ's song for Princess Di.

And I had a feeling that I belong and I had a feeling that I can be someone be someone
- 3ala rasy Tracy Chapman

If you're lost you can look and you will find me. Time after time. Time after time.
- jan6a.blogspot.com save it!

Last night I dreamt of St. Pedro
- No missy last night I dreamt of Al Muharag; Bahrain.

Adry fy galbik kalam widik tigooola, adry feek wana ma3aaak tishtaag uw towlah. Adry feek. Adry.

And then I go and spoil it all like saying stupid like I love you.
- Stupid indeed.

When I first heard Miami's song "Ya 3umry ana" I honestly thought he was saying "Ya 3umry ana fidaitik ana ya raitik tinaam weyaay"

*Shayer Wirba7 uw Jawib 9a7!

Desktop

*Morning Delight

Buzz Fever

There was glitch with my intercom. You know how when someones downstairs and ring your assocatied apartment tbutton, you answer the intercom and Buzz them in? WELL, aparantely my intercom never closes- Meaning: for the past 2 months everyone who was passing by the apartment could hear everything that was going on in my living room. It just so happens that the living room is where I spend most of my time.

When I found out I felt so embarassed for the unwanted people who visit me. Normal people call before they show up right?- Well not over here they don't. Its constant tider3iming and when I'm home I rarely answer the buzzer- I just IGNORE and start complaing OUT LOUD!

"Hufff shtaby hathy!"

"GO AWAY!"

And there's like a gizzilion of times when I'm on the phone and I hear the buzzer, and not only do I continue talkin I complain/bitch/whine about the suspected intruder.

People should learn to call before they come over.

What annoys me even more when I found out and told everybody they responded "Yeah I know, heard numerous things myself!"

HOW RUDE!

*Ya fisheelty :p

Anonymous- Really?

* So how is Alcoholics Anonymous really anonymous y when the first thing they do is say their name? Really now! Shouldn't it go somethin like
"Hi I'm number 13 and I'm an Alcoholic?"

*I really really wanna psychoanalyze a kleptomaniac.

Lost in Translation

Guess who's back, back again
Shanta's back, tell a friend
Guess who's back guess who's back guess who's back
Nananaaaaaaaah

Funny lines of the week:

"Everybody we have finished boarding operation "

"The Air Humps are painful please don't forget to make your belt tight so you don't jump"

"La volta prossima we make handcuff you!"

- that was actually said to me and I just stared in disbelief/amusement

""Wullaah je te casse en deux"
-translated into: I swear i'll break you in half!

Oh and I found this funny, clarification was needed as to what McDONALDS was:

As apposed to being an ice-cream joint?

* I scream you scream we all scream for ice cream!

Feeling Lucky?

Jan6a: Mr. Google, will you marry me?

I was about to do some research on the trigeminal nerve and so I clicked on my shortcut button to Google. Then I started wondering about the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button. I don't know about you but I've gotten a couple of forwards in my emails where they've asked me to type in a word and click the Lucky button and what comes out is a page making fun of Bushy Boy (thats Mr. President to those of you who like him). Sheet I talk to much.

ANYWAYS, I suddenly got an urge to type in 'jan6a' and clicked on the wonderful I'm Feeling Lucky Button. And what do you know- it took me right to my blog ! MAGIC I tell ya!! So I started typing user names off the top of my head too see who was in the "IN CROWD" and who was not and yeaaaah not everyone is born lucky I guess. I'll leave you too that then:

P.S: No party poopers allowed. If you are going to steal my thunder and whine like the two year old you are and be like "Yeah, so?" or "Actually its not working" please buckle your seatbelts and remain in your stroller and AWAY from the comments areas.

*I win! I win!

Border line psychotic?

F L S

Hmm, I saw these three letter on a license plate today and it screwed me up. The plate number was FLS 200. Granted I haven't slept since yesterday or the day before or whatver but what's the first you think when you look at those three letters?


This is how my mind works:

F L S: Falis, the verb of the noun "emfalis" in arabic*.
*Okay its Kuwaity but whatever, its all the same to me

I blinked, looked at again and this time i saw S L F: Salif. As in to loan in kuwaity*
*Fine im not gonna use 'Arabic', but isn't it arabic fu97a? Salem salaf Shag7a 200 dirham?- gi6ee3a afashil.


Then I thought how weird it is that these two words share the same letters (by the way this experiment would work much better if I had Arabic letter on the bloody keyboard so bare with me here).

F L S
S L F

Do you see it or is just me?

*Must sleep now

Please hold: Your call is being connected:

Flies Flies Flies

* Everybody Loves Raymond- I don't! I don't even like him.

* The future is so bright it burns my eyes. Blukh. My eyes are fine thank you very much.

* Anyone interested in a ghetto couch? Blue/yellow checkered.

* I know this guy who has a hard time with spelling and to make his life easier he pronounces every single letter. At a restaurant he'd ask if the meat was "lamB-B-B or beef". At university he answeres that the histology of a certain cell is "iPseedo straified." So annoying.

* There's nothin more annoying that a hyper fly. The lazy ones I don't really mind, but the hyper ones piss me off.

*I left my morning mug of coffee on the balcony. I initially forgot it, then thought it'd be fun to see what happens since it was really hot and figured they'd die if they ducked into it. Here are some fly jokes:

Why did the fly fly?
Because the spider spied 'er!


What is the difference between a fly and a bird?
A bird can fly but a fly can't bird!


Why were the flies playing football in saucer?
They where playing for the cup!


What goes "snap, crackle and pop"?
A firefly with a short circuit!


How do you keep flies out of the kitchen?
Put a pile of manure in the living room!

* On a brighter note, I figured out how to make Chips A hoy taste much better- leave them out for the day. Put them in the net thingy majiggy so no fly can get to it. But it really does make them soft and yummylicous.

* Other than the stupid messages and pick up lines that people send on music channels, how does the channel make money? Take Rotana for instance, they have 5 channels (I think, don't feel like counting) how do they make money? Or is it by selling the Cd's and tapes so the channel is just advertisement? Ok forget that, if your answer makes me sound stupid please refrain from commenting.

* The guys over here were walking, found an Egyptian man and his wife whom they've never seen before. They stopped him and asked him who does the cooking in his house and what he usually eats. After 5 minutes, they convinced the guy to personally deliver 7 platters with salad, soup and a main dish every single day. They're gonna pay him obviously but I really don't know who's getting the shorter end of the stick. They're having a one week trial period where all food is going to be free. If the spoilt brats are satisfied with the food they'll go on with the deal. I already know that at this point they'd eat whatever is given to them but the way they see it ' we get a free week!' Funny bastards.

*Mommy, are we there yet?

Baby Boom

- Stayed up till 6 am, read a bit (not more than half an hour), deleted messages then slept.

- Comic relief buddy wakes me up at 8:15 am to tell me something completely useless. I don't mind people waking me up, its the manner in which they do. She snuck in quietly and said my name in a whisper- SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME!

- I was so freaked out and was unable to go back to sleep. Stayed in bed till 9:30 am with the wonderful background music of people drilling God knows what:

Guurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr3333 Gurrrrrr333333333333333 Bloooo3333333333 GUrrrrr333333333.

*Wonderful mornin, I tell you.

- Go to the living room to watch a bit of T.V. And what do you know Martha Stewart is on channel One. I didn't know that! And what's her face Alias Girl was on with her, whats her name whats her name (I'm gonna type this till it comes to me) whats her name whats her name whats her name whats her name whats her name whats her name whats her name whats her name whats GARNER! somethin Garner. Garner what Garner what Garner what (i know i can look this up so spare me and sharraap!) Judy? JENIFFER!!! There we go Jenifer Garner was on and she was VERY pregnant might I add. So the whole segment was on baby shinanigins, what I didn't know the best was yet to come.

- They go to commercial, I call over comic relief buddy to see all the pregnant ladies in the audience. Come back from commercial and Martha explains the story of Mrs. Somthin Rather and her Chinese/American husband. Mrs. Somethin Rather had problems gettin pregnant at first but once she did boy oh boy did somethin special happen. She first gave birth to twins (Ching and Chang *made up names*) they're 4 years old now. But they still wanted more babies, and here's when she found out she was pregnant with 6 tuplets. 6!! And they brought all 6 on the show! One of them was this close * to crying but Martha gave him a bottle to hold and that made him sharaap. So they showed a video of how Mrs. SomethinRather handled her pregnancy and what does comic relief buddy scream:

Ay Jisko !!
Sooooopaayyrr POOKI!!! How 6?!

- Priceless I tell you. She said this with a very concerned look on her face. Then she went on and on abour how Mrs. Super Pooki could afford this, whats gonna happen when they go to college, how much shit they have in their garbage. Literally how much shit these shitting machines produce per day. "Smelly Garbage" she exclaimed.

Ahhh the joy of my day.

White

Twice a week all the floors, toilets are washed and the apartment smells like bukhoor with a hint of detol.

I realized that whenever I see the blue soap or watever in the toilet it breaks my heart to take a piss and flush. Because once I do that they'll be no more blue :(

If any wise ass say "you can always add some or buy the thing that produced the blue thingy majiggy after each flush- I already KNOW THAT so sharap!

Bed sheets are changed once a week, and I always end up sleeping on the coach because .. I really don't know why. Actually I do know why, it makes sense in my head and I don't feel like explaining.

Ever since I watched a segment on how to wash your hands 'properly' - I've been burning my hand cuz the show said hot water kills all bacteria, and in my sink there's delayed action of the cold water. Do I learn? - No!

My 13 minute showers are quite impressive, every task has to be within its time frame, otherwise the whole system falls apart.

I can't get enough of bukhoor.

I don't walk around the house bare foot and I hate people who do. In my apartments its not "you'll get your feet dirty" its "you'll dirty up my floors!"

I'm not paranoid, I just like havin my space clean.

Any idea when all flies/mosquitos go to sleep? I still don't have screens on the windows.

White is my favorite color. I love its smell.

Thab7ity

Time: 4am

Situation: unknown email added me to msn
Mood: apathetic, sleep deprived.


Him: Please wi9feely shaklich, a7ib laman akalim a7ad atkhayal wayha jidamy.
*This automatically putting him in the "spiky-waxed up hair-sexually deprived-tiriqiming-tight pants-boot cut-3agad humping" category.

Me: Where do I start, I have green eyes but I'm visually impaired which is why my sibling is reading and typing on my behalf. I'm as tall as Paris Hilton's thigh, I'm not over weight- I'm what they call obese and I have a very prominent Adam's apple.


Him:Waaaw! Shaklich 7ilwa. Green eyes like cat, Paris Hilton! Waaw! What about your hair, it is kerly??
* Loser's attempt to show me he speaks English and knows who Paris Hilton is.


Me: Yes, its curly but there's only 4 strands left. My grandfather was bald and they say baldness skips a generation - so I guess its my turn.


Him: Waaaw!! Ana thab7ity el KERLY !!! A7la shay, shaklich itshawgeen, I want see u! Intay shino thab7itich?


Me: Ana thab7ity el chaay..

Block. Delete. Smile

*No offense to all obsese blind green eyed, tranvestite lookin midgets!

E.T phone home

Home.

Home is never where I am, but where I am not!

Blukh

I'm cold, still coughing like crazy. My voice is all hoarse and stuffy. I'm sick of people calling me and asking "Umm did you just wake up?" .. What if I did? Would that change the conversation?


Will Smith and Usher annoy me. Die already!


Why are people talkin about New Year Resolutions when it's still the beginning of November.


My mother called to tell me it was my father's birthday, so i said Happy Birthday. He was sad that I didn't remember. Truth is, the reminder note on my phone beeped 10 times today. The alarm annoyed me so much that I refused to call him.


I'm surrounded with people who are completely different from my people back home. I can relate more with the foreigners than the fuckin Arabs who obsess about the different sects of the muslims. I hate that I'm labeled.


When I'm boiling hot, my hands and feet are "ice" cold. I've always been like that. I remember when i was a kid, my nanny took me to this extremely religious women who was referred to as nun/witch and she poured holy water on me. She also massaged my knees and shoulder and she burped. I was shocked, but then she said "this is your burp not mine". And she was right.


I hate it when people are late. You don't tell a person you're coming in half an hour, and show up 3 hours later. Just cuz i don't whine and call doesn't mean I'm fine with it. There's so much I can do in 3 hours you inconsiderate fuck.


Blukh, Usher's on T.V again. Darn remote is in the kitchen. I do that sometimes with lighters and pens. I use it and then just keep holding them, walk around and misplace them along the way.


I have a folder in my iTunes named "African American". I guess I wanted to be politically correct.


I hate it when I order texttbooks and then realize I have the old edition. Even if the only difference is the pictures I still want the new one- thing is I refuse to buy it.


I hate the ladies on the Swan. " Oh my God I'm soooooo beautiful!" Blukh


If you really want to piss me off, call and start of with " Did you JUST get up? " Then say "ohhh shakhbaree intay, 7adich im'3abra. " And before you end the conversation say: "Shfeech?? Tara eldenya matiswa!" You will guarantee that I will NEVER answer your calls again and hate you forever.

I don't know why but I can't hate anyone.

Ironic

...................


Its like finally gettin your internet on a blackout day


Its a free meal on a Sunday-ay


Its like 10,000 mosquitos when you're all out of spray

...................

So isn't it GUBESA, don't ya think?!
A lil tooo emgabes Yeah I really do think!

Shaggin Taggin ..

This one is for you Babbler, here goes nothin:


Seven Things I Plan To Do:

* Go to Amsterdam, Portugal, Florence, Dublin and Lebanon before March.

* Eat only when I'm hungry (easier said than done)

* Sleep a maximum of 10 hours per day (i can sleep like a bitch if no one wakes me)

* Master the position to piss in 7amam 3araby
(not that i ever plan on pissing in one- I've been practicing but 6eeee6 makoo fayda i always lose my balance- I blame my father for my weak knees).

* Improve my handwriting in Arabic!
(Its equivilant to that of a 6 year old. You'd think i can even write my name decently but I cant even do that)

* Learn Greek- So far all i know is "Tikanis malaga? Gala?!"

* Buy a nail cutter!
(Bloody airport people confiscated it and left me bored on the plane!)

Seven Things I Can Do:

* Play Tennis & Squash and beat your ass

* Get people to do things for me without even asking

* Eat a whole watermelon in half an hour without even realizing

* Make conversation with absuloutely anyone

* Tolerate all sorts of physical pain

* Mess up the pc just so I can fix it again

* Run for 46 minutes

Seven Things I Can NOT Do:

* Cant's sing for shit

* Can't draw for shit

* Can't watch any sorts of TV cartoons - they just piss me off

* Can't cry in front of my parents

* Can't turn in anythin ON TIME

* Can't hold a grudge- i have short term memory!
(So even if the person has screwed me over a zillion times, i'd see them again in a year and it'd be like nothing happened. Thank God I have a sister to tell me who I like and who I don't !)

* Can't kill anyone.

Seven things I Say most Often:

* "Wikheeeey!!"

*" Yeah Sure Buddy!"

* "So, how goes it?"

* " Inzzainn... Fa?"

* "Chiny Yo3ana?"

* " Ee yuma 9alait uw kelait uw kilshay okay!"

* " Water Please!!"

I'm not gonna tag anyone so yeah!

Chay Chay Chay

So after my extended non-fasting week I'm back in Ramadan mood. Took the day off, slept till 11 and decided to go for a walk. As soon as I crossed the friggin highway it started raining so lalalalaaaah I walk back to my apartment - only now I'm SOAKED!

So I take off all my clothes at the door, walk to the bathroom only to realize that all the curtains are wide open for the viewing pleasure of two 14 yr old boys next door- I frankly couldn't care less. If anyone was embarassed it was them for gettin caught and turning red- DUMBASSES!

After my 13 minute shower (unfortunately the hot water only lasts for 13 god damn minutes), I changed and decided since there's nothing good on T.V might as well sleep for a bit. Slept till 2, woke up called a friend and decided to go to the cinema to see Four Brothers. My buddy came over called the taxi and we w-a-i-t-e-d.

Movie started at 3:30, current time was 3:20. I called the bloody taxi company to see what the friggin problem was- "yes yes he's on his way". On his way my ass- he arrived at 4! Nontheless we still got in the car and told him to drive around for an hour! (That's the equivilant of telling him to suffocate himself while his whole family watches. They don't like spending time with the same customer for more than 5 minutes and make you very aware of that)

So lallalalaaaah we pimp up the taxi with the ipod and we're sight seeing kuwaiti style- losers but what can I say we garra kill some time. Kept re-playing:

we be burnin' not concernin' what nobody wanna say
We be earnin' dollars turning cau we mind deh pon we pay
Some got GOLD and all dem DIAMONDS all we got is Mary J
Legalize it, time you recognize it

An hour and a half later- back to my apartment to prepare my fu6oor : Pasta with Bolognese sauce mixed with Beccamel & Red Rooster Yummm Yumm.. 6:34pm - Buzzz time ! 6:44pm - Food was served!

7:30pm - Cinammon Tea served in my brand new set of Estikanat. I filled the whole thermos and poured 8 cups (well they're not cups but watever)- anyways that was plain ol' STUPID!!

I kinda forgot that I take my time bloody time doing everythin including drinking tea and so by the time i got to estikana number 4 it was cold and boring.

Words that make me giggle:

_____________________Yigidny





_________3izga




__Hallucinogenic
(cuz it took me such a long time to say it right - haaloocinogenic - halucinogenic- hallucinogenic.. there we go!)




_______Squirt





_______________________________7aleeba..




_______POOKI

Row 1

Age: 7
Location: Classroom
Personality: Cheeky

For some reason before letting us out for "Lunch Time," Miss. Walker used to make the whole class sit in 4 rows. And depending on how good we were she'd either call out our name or the name of the row and that meant we could leave.

"Abdooolah" and then cute lil Abdullah would smile all pleased with himself and leave.

"Row 3" and then the whole row would get up in an orderly fashion and leave.

And then came RAWAN; she was this lost, skinny little girl. Everytime Miss. Walker said: ROW ONE, Rawan would get up nd prepare her exit. Then she'd realize that the teacher said ROW ONE not ROWAN.

I used to look forward to "Lunch Time" just to see Rawan make a mess out of herself. The thing is, it wasn't once or twice that poor Rawan would mess up, - EVERY SINGLE TIME!


* I guess it was just Rawan's bad luck that she was never seated in the first Row *

Weddings..

I hate weddings..

The whole fake scene isn't my cup of tea!

I'm not very fond of buffets so the food is a big turn-off!

When my friends tell me they're getting married I *try* to leave the country.

The bride is supposed to be the "happiest" person there- is she really??
Note: Happiest is somehow replaced with "most uncomfortable"!

Funerals on the other hand- make sense!

,,