.

AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!


i n e e d t o g e t m y a c t t o g e t h e r t h i s i s g e t t i n g b e y o n d p a t h e t i c a n d t h e w o r s e p a r t i s i a m a w a r e o f i t e v e r y s i n g l e f r i g g i n g o d d a m n d a y i t s n o t h o m e s i c k n e s s i a c t u a l l y n e v e r w e n t t h r o u g h t h a t i t s n o t b o r e d o m i m a c t u a l l y h a v i n a g o o d t i m e a t a d t o o m u c h b u t f o r g e t a b o u t t h a t i d o n t k n o w i d o n t k n o w s e e t h a t s a n o t h e r l i e i k n o w e x a c t l y w h a t n e e d s t o b e d o n e b u t i m h a v i n g t r o u b l e g e t t i n g t o t h e s t a r t i n g l i n e w h a t s f u n n y a c t u a l l y n o t f u n n y a t a l l i c a n t e v e n s e e t h e f i n i s h l i n e w r i t i n g t h i s l i k e t h i s i s c a t h a r d i c a n d p o i n t l e s s a t t h e s a m e t i m e s a y g o o d n i g h t a n d g o g o w h e r e j e n e s a i s p a s j u s t g o o f f t o p i c i r e a d a l i n e i l i k e d e x c e l l e n c e k n o w s no g e n d e r c e s t v r a i a t l e a s t i t h i n k s o s o s a y g o o d n i g h t a n d g o

*

What time is it?

A crowded restaurant

I'm standing there waiting for a table, place is slightly packed and whenever someone passes infront of me this is what I do - ashfu6 karshity and tiptoe!

WHY?

I don't know, I guess in my head I'm givin the dude more space to walk.

------------------

*Its nice..

Raspberries

Where have all the ladybugs gone? Could it be that I've grown older and stopped looking for them? I remember being a toddler and searching the fields in the wafra or in the garden tryin to find the odd creature. Once I found them I'd let them crawl all over my skin allowing them to freely roam their new ground. Ten minutes later I'd either get bored or ticklish and make sure the lil thing came back to the palm of my hand- that's when I'd make a wish and blow* it away.
*to all the lady bugs I blew away I hope you all landed safely!

-----------------

I make wishes on absolutely everything! Going under a tunnel, crossin a bridge, when the clock is 11:11, passing a yellow light, throwing coins in a wishing well or fountain, seeing a breathtaking view and even when the seatbelt sign is turned off after take off*.
*we're i-don't-know-how-many feet over land- thats garra count for something!

-----------------

I've never been scared of flying. Never. Never. Never. UNTIL I took a short flight with a charter plane. Thing is I don't know if I was scared because of the excessive turbulence or because my parents didn't know about the trip. Granted all my siblings knew and so in my head if anythin goes wrong my brother knew where to find my body but still I was petrified! The 15 meter plane that had a juke box playing hip/hop did not amuse me one bit. I was surrounded by apathetic businessmen enjoyin their morning paper. No one dared to drink anythin fear of gettin it spilled over their freshly pressed suits. Say no to charter planes. No No No!

-----------------

Insider info: This post was inspired by a picture of a ladybug my friend had as her display icon. So yeah my posts have no deep thinking processes to them. Typing them up is pretty much smooth sailing but around 7 minutes is dedicated to making it look purrty (fonts, colors, etc.) So there you have it.

-----------------

P.S: The pic was not my friend's display thingy. I searched for it during the 7-minutes.
Naughty aren't they? :p

Vulnerability

This picture broke my heart. No not because I'm a lovey dovey person and did a whole 'aaaawww how cute'. (actually it is cute but thats not the point!) It triggered MANY unpleasant childhood memories. I think I'm brave enough to share my deep dark secret. A secret I've never admitted to anyone. I am brave now.

(i don't know how to skip)

Everythin else I can do: walk, jog, run, sprint, skip the rope friggin hopscotch but 'skippin' is somethin I can't do. I've practiced and practiced but I'm convinced that its one of these things that you can either do or don't.

I can not.

So yeah I envy those two in the picture-they really have it good.

*Mousetrap!

A7mar!

(Thats a lie-t'was kinda fun)



Thanks to Misguided's cool ass post!

*Clavicles!

Clueless

I find it funny that I never question somethin until I'm asked to explain it. Today I had a very interesting (prolly only to me) about arabic nicknames. It just confused the hell outa my friend but in the end he surprisingly got it.

so today's victim is : Mohammed
(Shaheen is busy)

Clueless: So why did you call him Mhamad isn't his name Mohammed?

Jan6a: Yeah in Arabic its pronounced Mhamad, and Hamood is short for that.

Clueless: What?? But that sounds nothing like the English or Arabic version!!

Jan6a: Hmm it doesn't? 'Mhamad' 'Hamood' ? Well I guess its like the name Alexandra, in Russia 'Sacha' would be her nickname. Know whar am sayin?

Clueless: Aha Aha. So he has 3 names this one, an English one, an Arabic one and the nickname that sounds nothin like them.

Jan6a: He can also be referred to as Bu-Jassim.

Clueless: WHAT! That doesn't even have the same letters!! Who's Boo Jew! Does that even mean anythin?

Jan6a: Bu means father of and so it'd literally mean father of Jassim.

Clueless: But wait wait, this one he's not married is he? I didn't know he had a baby!!! When did all this happen!

Jan6a: No you dumbass he's not married. Actually I'm the dumbass for bringin it up, ehh its kinda confusing you see most arabic male names have a corresponding name.

Clueless: Ay Maria! Like an alter ego??

Jan6a: Hehe No no not an alter ego. Hmm how do I explain this, like Mhamad would be Bu Jassim and a guy called Jassim would be Bu Mhamad. Matchin names kinda thing, make sense?

(Clueless does some deep thinking)

Clueless: So basically when your parents pick out their sons name they're also picking their grandsons name?

Jan6a: Smart! But hhh not necessarily. Some do it that way but it really doesn't have to be.

Clueless: So lets say Mhamad called his son Alfred.

Jan6a: Thats ridiculous buddy, why would he call his son Alfred? If you're gonna create a hypothetical scenario might as well make it slightly realistic. Let him call his son Abdullah.

Clueless: Okay fine Abdullah! So they'd call him Bu Abdullah and forget Bu Jassim ever existed?

Jan6a: Eeehhh I think you'll still find his old friends and a few people refer to him as Bu Jassim. So his hommies from waay back, gerrit?

Clueless: Jesus Christ! So this poor fella would answer to :

1) Bu Abdullah,

2) Bu Jassim,

3) Mhamad,

4) Mohammed

5) Hamood

Jan6a: There we go, exactly! But its really not as complicated or as frustrating as you make it sound!

Clueless: Ah-ha, I think I get it! Lets do another one!! Does it work with Abdullah as well??

Jan6a: Yeaaahh but how about we do Abdullah another day?

Note: This conversation actually took 172 times longer than the time it took you to read it. Each Arabic name mentioned was written down on a piece of paper and repeated a gazillion times by Clueless.

*Charisma!

I Love you Jeeehny!

Im the kind of person who whenever I see anyone running I automatically say (out loud might I add)

"Ruuun Forrest! Ruuuuuuun!"

Yes I am geeziya* and proud. Leave me alone.
*tried to Shift F7 this word but I got nothing.

So Forrest Gump. You think of that movie and what comes to mind other than:

"My momma always said, Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."

I love that movie don't get me wrong but doesn't that line only apply to the senile? Whatever happened to reading the label buddy?


*Note the Apple logo on chocolate box. Cute, no?

*Shrimp Shrimp!

Dear Diary

Since I never kept a diary I'll use my blog for this entry.

Dear 3abdo, (a diary's garra have a name no?)

March 11 has been good to me this year. I don't remember where or what I was I doin last year or the year before but today has been blissful. You know when its just a good day from start to finish. Yes yes exactly that. Start -> Finish has been wonderful. Funny thing nothin dramatic, life changin happened, I didn't even go out but yeah. Woke up late, did my normal routine (coffee, internet, music) and yes I was all smiles. Studied a bit, talked to friends and then cooked a fantabulous Mexican feast. I still didn't eat it tho, but the cooking process was FUN FUN FUN! Dancin to whatever iTunes Shuffle had to offer casually dressed in my boxers and worn out t-shirt with my warm fluffy slippers. Its been great. And the good news is the days still not over. You think I'm jinxing it by tellin you? Hmm good point, but I honestly wouldn't mind! As long as all my blaah days have a March 11 to make up for it I'm goood.

Yours only,

- J A N 6 A

*Taco!

Table for 2

I realized I have a soft spot for nice waiters !

Sometime last week I went to this local family owned restaurant with very basic furniture, I figured their food would make up for the decor but yeeeah NO!

The table next to mine was occupied by elderly Brits who huffed and puffed at their food. When the waiter asked how everythin was they blurted "the meat is synthetic and the chips taste like plastic!" Since the waiter's English was very limited all he gathered from the rude comment was 'plastic!' The look on his face was heartbreaking maskeen, he just asked if they'd like to order somethin else from the menu, they didn't and so he left clearly upset.

Movin on to my table: My food arrived with all my appetizers here and there and a very disappointing main dish. I tackled the appetizers first. Then decided to have some of my side dishes. Since I have delayed action in basically everythin only after havin 3 spoons of Tzatziki*did I realize that it was FULL of garlic. It was soo bad that I just lost my appetite and decided to play around with my main course (cut and move the pieces so it looks like I've eaten somethin).
*basically thick rob oo khyar

Poor waiter comes along and asks if my food is fine, I reply with "Oh yes marvelous, thank you!" He then goes on and tells me how its his favorite dish and he made sure the cook (who was his brother) was 'generous' and added some extra stuff special for me. (I didn't buy this but gave him A for effort) I just looked at him intriguingly and took another bite with a smile and a let out a very fake "Hmmm!! :>" (<- thats a smiley face btw)

Waiter walks away very pleased with himself. I take two more *tiny* bites and realize that's all I can handle. Just when I thought that'd be the end of it:

Waiter comes back with complimentary dessert- A MILK pie!

I don't even like milk!! So ONCE AGAIN I force myself to bite away with all sound effects possible. He walks away and I let out a big sigh of relief, just a tad too loud.

2 minutes later poor fella comes back yet again with complimentary apple pie!

At this point I just wanna kill myself cuz I'm still feelin the bloody garlic coming out of my nose (Yeah not a pretty fluffy descriptive image but yeah it was that nasty so spare me). So I think to myself, well atleast its somethin I like, you can't go wrong with apple pie can you?

I take a bite and yeaaaaah apparently YOU CAN!

It was filled with spices and this weird cinnamon (I love cinnamon by the way but this shi' was spicy!) and the custard was soggy - uuugghh it was bad bad bad!

Waiter tells me how he noticed I didn't really like the milk pie but he was sure I'd love this. Quite the antithesis of love buddy. But I ate it all. All. All. All.

Every last friggin god forsaken bite.

WHY? So I wouldn't hurt the poor man's feelings. The man I probably will never see again in my life.



So yeah waiters are good people.

*Check plz!

Kodak Moment

Whenever on holiday I dont have time to clean out my inbox or sent items.

So here are a couple of Sent Items I thought I'd share:

"U know whats cool and weird at the same time- everyone and by that i mean everyone smokes so everywhere is Smokin- Hell, even Mc F!@'in Donalds!"

"I'm havin baqlawa shaped like a pie so yummy! China wa7da wearing a fluffy skirt without nickers so the cold air is tingling her insides*"
*edited for my sensetive readers.

"Yeah I'm kinda outa town, call u when I get back?"

"Oi the que is long, order me a waffle with choc sauce with 2 scoops of raspberry sorbet!"

I got the whole belly in my hands :p

Any takers?

epistrefw se ligo

Kalimera!

Carnival

Mic check mic check:

* Humans are the only species on earth that have face-to-face sex.

Comment: that should be that can because not all humans do.


* The Bible, the world's best-selling book, is also the world's most shoplifted book.

Comment: hehe thats just funny.


* Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.

Comment: prudes!


* In all Mickey Mouse cartoons, no matter which way Mickey is looking his ears are always facing forward. You never get an ear profile.

Comment: Cuz thats his bad side.

* The word "pornography" comes from the Greek meaning the "writings of prostitutes."

Comment: Too bad there's rarely ever any writing.

I'll be there in 4 days, 6aa6 6aa6!

*filoxenia

The Name Game

You are given a name.

You (and by that I mean I ) love your name.

Your answer to your name.

Your name might be after a great person (relative, boxer, etc.)

Your name is yours.

Ever notice how when you're having a deep conversation with anyone and your given name is added it changes the tone of the whole thing.

Shag7a will be our victim today

Shaheen: Shag7o laish chithy imsakba feeny.

Analysis: : Positive friendly energy from Shaheen, he's not really pissed because the 'o' was added.

Shaheen:Why are you doing this to me Shag7a?

Analysis: : howb howb il7abeeb za3lan uw shayil ib galba kalaam.

Shaheen: Okay I have to go, take care Shag7a.

Analysis: : Il7abeeb broo7 yinti7er min ilqahar.

Shaheen: Okay I have to go, take care.

Analysis: The guys really garra go.

Do you see it or is it just me?

*Scombroid!

'Quench' Me

Hunger strikes when I'm all alone

Hunger strikes when there's no meat, only bone

Hunger strikes when jan6a feels like watchin porn.

Thats a lie, but you wouldn't believe me even if I'd sworn.

Well looky looky I'm a poet and didn't know'it ..

*Su Doku!

How Low Can You Go?

Late night blues with nothin but a remote to entertain me.


* "I wana Nasty girl"- really?? Please explain to me how Notorious BIG is still producing songs? Didn't he die already? Or does his coffin come with a mini studio switch. Next thing you'll know instead of pimp my ride it'll be 'Pimp my Coffin'


* The Kuwaiti group Army of One are funny ass. Seriously A for effort boys. - But can we all say Nigga Wannabes??


* Yes I'm watchin Melody Hits and thats where this post is comin from.


* I know most Arab guys shave their under arms but i really can't imagine them doing so. I really wanna see how they do it, facial expressions and all.


*Lonely I'm so lonely. Mr. Lonely- I have nobody for my own. - Why is this pathetic excuse of a song still being played!


* I feel very patriotic when Nancy Ajram's "Ana Ma9ry" is on, although there is not even a tenth of me thats Egyptian. The lyrics go as following: Ana ma9ry wabooya ma9ry.


* My favorite line in an Arabic song: "A7sib ilnas mithly ib6eeby uw 3ala nafsy abadeehum a'aminhum uw hatha ohoo 3aiby oo malyon mara an9idim fehum. "


* Actually thats a lie my favorite line is: "Tara el shakwa li'3air allah mathallah"


* E! I think the only way to fully appreciate The E Entertainment Channel is to follow their instructions and be on e! When sober stay away from this channel for it'll only irritate you.


* Bin Laden's a dumbass. All he has to do is shave off his beard, SHOWER, go to Tony & Guy, wear an Armani suit and no one would recognize him- (he'd probably be a 'catch' as well)


* My new favorite song is : Good Bye My Lover by James Blunt.

*I'll be the father of your child!

The Classroom

I don't believe in home schooling not because of the education level but because once you familiarize yourself with the players you'll notice that they're everywhere-

Ex. AIRPLANES

The Principle:
You always here his voice loud and clear but rarely see him. He* tells his audience what is to be expected during the course. All major problems are dealt by him- (Flight Plan anyone?)
*I'm fully aware that there are female pilots so sharap.

The Cry Baby:
Basically the annoying kid who cries for no reason or for feeling neglected. Equally ignored and hated by everyone.
*The cry baby is always seated next to me. ALWAYS FRIGGIN ALWAYS! I think there should be planes that carry any kids under 6 or better yet a baby section with sound proof walls!

The Heckler:
Always with his nasty (sometimes witty) loud remakrs on just about everythin. This dude is going through an identity crisis and it just so happens that seeking attention and laughs is his number one priority for the day.
*Once a local celebrity (if that's what we call them) was sitting next to me and the heckler wouldn't let him be he kept screaming out "Haa khaaaly imsha'3il Bluetooth??!" "Haa yubaaay sayartik lilbai3?)

The Bully:
The ever so annoying piece of shit sitting behind you pulling on your hair or rocking your chair during take off and landing for additional turbulence effects in hope you'd think it was due to the air bumps or the principle's short comings.
*I love makin the bully cry!

The Compulsive Eater (aka the fat kid):
During lunch time he eats everythin on his lunch plate, asks the canteen lady (stewardess) for additional snacks and then stares at your food in hope you'd give him some of your bread.
* I love feeding this fella!

Teacher's Pet:
Always there to impress with her excessive 'please' & 'thank yous' and ridiculous questions that are asked just to show she's* paying attention. "If I'm not mistaken we'll be landing in 25 minutes?"
* She's usually a she!

Stinky:
Yeah I have nothin to say about stinky. I hate you. Jeeez just take a friggin shower before coming on board! Every time I encounter stinky I remember my postponed project of walking around with hygiene kits to pass out to the likes of him.

The Apathetic Goth:
He's the one always dressed/make-uped in dark colors and when seated nods his head to the deranged heavy metal music and when standing (waiting in line to make bola for example) is the one who wins the popularity contest for all the passengers are staring and trying to figure him out with their very audible whispers.
* This is especially evident on Kuwait Airways- the "7ash ashkhara". Blukh!

The Rebel:
Who is fully aware of the rules but insists on testing the smoke detectors the Pilot praises about. So in he goes in the toilet - gets his fix and goes back to his seat. Minutes later you hear the Pilot complaining and trying very hard to show how disappointed he is. When the rebel does it again the Pilot informs the class that the police will be awaiting at the doors during Home-Time- yeah suuuuuurrrrre buddy.

The Nerd:
Always there sitting all fidgety with the first button of his shirt closed making anyone lookin at him uncomfortable beyond belief. Not only that he always has the latest high tech gadgets on his tray table which he doesn't use by the way. He simply sits there breathes on a piece of cloth and wipes everything. If you show interest in any of his gadgets he'll instantly hide them in his squeky clean briefcase.
* I'm always jealous of his gadgets.

*Please place your seats in the up right position!

Isloob Shar6

'Its good to be back' was my initial thought upon entering my bachelorette pad. Funny I didn't feel this was when I was actually back home.


You know how every house/apartment has a distinct smell- yeah the first 2 meters from the door of my apartment smells like plastic! Why? Je ne sais pas uuuuhh but yeah- plastic!
*The living room smells like bukhoor a la may liga7 a la 7ab.


Moving on, - Arabic Grammar is something I think about every single friggin day, Why? Je ne sais pas uuuuhh but yeah- i3rab!

من يدرس ينجح

The sentence above is an example of Isloob Shar6.

Bs moo shar6 Gaaaaadamit!!

How so? - I'll tell you:

1) The poor kid taking the exam was in a life threatening car accident the day before leaving him traumatized but the fact that his mother is an ungrateful school obsessed kinda person who wants her son to get a bloody scholarship so she doesn't have to spend on him anymore forced him to take the bloody test.

2) The exam was written by an anal professor who thinks students who actually pass convey the fact that his questions are ridiculously simple thus making him stupid. So by failing every students he gets an instant ego boost.

3) The retard sitting next to our student was cheating off oh him and the first-time proctor sees this and tears up both students paper feeling great to have caught some action first time round.

So ya isloob shar6 my ass Abla Madee7a.

*Kenayaah uh

"You're only popular with anorexia"

Up till I was about 14 I always regarded "banak" as an illegal substance cuz thats how my parents reacted to its presence- drama queens I know.


Now everytime I stop at the round-about to get some I feel like I'm committing a bloody felony.

I am traumatized gadaamit!

Evertime I say "Gadaamit " I remember* this crappy forward joke about the Bedouin who went to apply for somethin and was annoying everyone so someone screamed GOD DAMN IT ! And he replied "Ee yuba qadamt"
* By remember I mean I know the punchline and nothin else


Moving on, I forgot how to 'blog'. flog. mlog. zlog. Yeah, don't ask.


I am a "hehe" addict. Does your laugh sound anythin like "heheheh" ?? If so- please change it. I rarely laugh at typed text be it SMS or MSN, but the stupid "hehe" is subconciously typed everytime my lips part in a half effort to create a dysfunctional smile. Is there such a thing as a dysfunctional smile? I think I just wanted to type 'dysfunctional'. Well looky looky I typed it 3 times!


I'm contemplating my word choice for describin the "hehe" shinanigin. I think I chose 'stupid' because I'm listenin to Toni Braxton- Stupid. You know when you pause for a second to think of a word, yeah the first word I heard was DIPUTS <- my attempt not to use the word again. Not workin, obviously.


C'est la vie. <-- why do people say that. Isn't it too much of a cliche? Stop it already.

*Black Magic!

Wasabi

* Here's the deal, I'm still playing around with the template and I'm still not satisfied.
All I know is that I want somethin green!


* The other day my little sister told me that she ordered some take out from Sakura, one of our domestic helpers had a spoonful of WASABI thinking it was AVOCADO. She really had nothin else to say, that was our conversation.


* In two days I'll be eating my BBQ'd truffles. (My attempt to make fagi3 mashwy sound oh-luxurious). I honestly don't care for those who diss my fagi3 so - sharap!


* I don't really know when the season for 'crabs' is. All I know is a platter of crab for lunch would be fantabulous. I only eat male crabs tho, the females come with extra baggage.


* Whenever I'm in a potential car flipping scenario I always take note of the song thats on. That way I know what soundtrack will be played in the afterlife. I shouldn't have said that- but guess what I just did.


* Why do Egyptians say "Happy Birrzzzdddaay!" No DisrespeK but its Birthday please get it right.


* I admit this is a hideous post. The real reason I'm writing anythin is because I wana figure out how to change the font and color of unedited text from the template.


* What song starts with " From Jamaicaa to the world!" First person to answer correctly will get to choose the post they wanna bring back.


* Again confession: Since I'm obsessed with colors -all my posts are edited with bright colors and it just so happens that none of them are legible on the new template. So this way I get to a competitive thing goin on and I satisfy all the whiners who complained about me "hiding" the older posts. And most importantly I'll feel obliged to re-edit the colors of one post. Does this even make sense? Well it does to me- so figure it out.

*Thats all folks!

Kissy Kissy!

8 years old
I enjoyed family gatherings. I just found the first 5-10 minutes slightly uncomfortable. I'd go round and round do the whole kissy kissy scene, get my cheeks pinched, a spontaneous squeeze on my tummy and and sometimes a pat on the back.

----------------

13 years old
I started disliking the beginnings, cuz now you have your distant cousins doing the whole 3 kissy thing when you only expect two But no no no they have to drag you back for a third *mwah* on cheek number 2.

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN THAT TO ME!

----------------

16 years old
It got more complicated. Why? Because amongst conservative relatives they actually take great interest in how you handle yourself. Meaning, do you know which men you're not supposed to *mwah* *mwah*?? Correct Answer: NO! So what I used to do is go around and *mwah* *mwah* just about everyone there. Moments later I get a 20 minute lecture on how I lack decent etiquette and an evil look is shot to my mother by the lady with the pointing finger.

----------------

Lebanon
Over there you're supposed to *mwah* *mwah* everyone- only now its *mwah* *mwah* *mwah*!. Mind you this is different from the ever so annoying double *mwah* on the same cheek. In this one its: right cheek, left cheek back to right cheek.

----------------

Today

I have learned my lesson and now find the beginnings amusing. Technique: I extend my hand and try to keep a straight face. If you lean in I'll *mwah* you right back. If not you're missing out on some cheek action with the jan6a . If you happen to be a triple *mwah* kinda chick I expect you to give me a heads up, maybe a nudge?

Note: its *mwah* cuz there's no actual kisisng going on, its just cheek to cheek action avec sound effects.

*Snogadelic!